


Light in the Darkness

by Sheldonmoments



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Post-Order 66, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Force, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheldonmoments/pseuds/Sheldonmoments
Summary: They have buried there dead but maybe not all of them.Can Ahsoka and Rex out run the feelings left by order 66? Can there be any hope after the darkness has consumed the galaxy?(cross-posted on FF.net)
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
Kudos: 11





	Light in the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> don't own any of it :( 
> 
> The writing is deliberately chaotic, as it reflects what I think they would be feeling in those early days. they are sort of going through the process of sorting out there feelings and coming to terms with the whole mess in this fic 
> 
> spoilers for season 7 finale, so many feels
> 
> (cross posted on FF.net)

It had been two days since the worst day of her life. That was saying something as there has been so many terrible days;  
The day her parents almost let a slaver take her, before Master Plo rescued her.   
The day she thought she would age out of the initiate programme at the temple, only to be assigned to Master Skywalker. She had later found out that Master Yoda and Master Kenobi had conspired to send her to be Anakin’s padawan, she was so grateful.  
Almost everyday during the war got worse and worse, but Rex, Anakin and Master Obi-wan or any of the 501st made it easier.

What she had until two days ago thought to be the worst day of her life was the moment that the Jedi Council expelled her. Yes, during that whole fiasco there were maybe even worse moments, and it was so hard to walk away from her home. But for her the very worst moment had been the realisation that council or at least the majority of them, people she looked up to and respected, believed her guilty of bombing her home.

But all that paled into insignificance compared to what she felt and saw two days ago, and how the force continued to churn ominously and dark around her. She had done her best to shut it out, she couldn’t falter now Rex needed her.

NO! she couldn’t think of that right now, she was supposed to be sleeping while Rex kept watch.   
They had taken the Y-wing as soon as Rex had finished his remembrances, left the moon and their brothers to their lonely grave. Ahsoka had left her lightsabres, she had lost her shoto during their escape and deliberately left the other hoping anyone looking would think her dead. She felt like she had left part of herself on that moon with her men and her sabres.

NO! she was supposed to be sleeping, she turned on to her back and stared at the stars.   
They had landed on the closest inhabited planet, they needed to ditch the Y-wing as it was too easily traceable. That part of the plan went well, they had found someone who would pay a good price for it. However, it was then that their luck or maybe the force turned against them. Maybe Master Obi-Wan was right and there wasn’t such a thing as luck, after all Ahsoka didn’t feel very lucky right now.

Grr! She needed to stop thinking, she needed to sleep or Rex would start to worry.   
They decided to leave the settlement they landed in to put as much distance between them as the Y-wing as possible. Since then they had moved from space port to space port trying to find a ship, anything to get off the planet. But apparently the “shake up” in the GAR wasn’t the only change, apparently the government had changed too. She didn’t know much as she had been avoiding the news.

Argh! She made a last-ditch effort to think of something else.   
If she didn’t know maybe she could pretend nothing happened or that it was a “glitch” with her men. She could imagine that Master Obi-Wan and Anakin were bickering about something back at the temple. Master Yoda was teaching younglings about the wonders of the force, she could almost see their awe-struck faces as they touched it consciously for the first time. She could see Master’s Plo and Windu debating some aspect of the war in the council chambers long after a meeting had ended. She could see the younglings she helped practicing their sabre forms, sparing and improving

At some point it must have worked and she must have fallen asleep. But soon the darkness pressing in all around her changed the images. She saw Master Obi-Wan’s shocked face as Cody, someone who had managed to worm his way into her Grandmaster trust, levelled his blaster at the man. She could see the dark look of betrayal in Anakin’s eyes as the hastily promoted Commander Appo filled him with blaster bolts was he tried to protect the younglings in the temple. She could feel the heartbreak Master Yoda felt at each life lost. Master Plo looked devastated when his wolfpack turned on him and Master Windu had a look of controlled anger on his face ….

Urgh! Ahsoka woke panting.   
She wasn’t using the force; she had been deliberately shutting out the distressed chaos for the last two days. She hadn’t been in a deep sleep so the dream was exactly that just a dream. But deep down she knew … she knew she would now never be able to go home, she could never return to the Jedi … because while maybe not accurate the dream was true, there were no more Jedi.

Ahsoka knew she would get no more sleep, for a few moments she stared up at the stars. She wondered if anyone else made it out like she did, but no-one else would have been warned. As far as she could tell the Jedi believed the story fed to them about Tup and Fives, and Rex hadn’t really believed it either so it was unlikely he had told any of his brothers.

That reminded her if she wasn’t going to sleep, she could take over the watch and let Rex rest. If she was finding this hard, she couldn’t imagine what he must be going through. Her family believed that when you die you become one with the force, in away her people the Jedi had gone home. But Rex’s family was stuck in a fate worse than death, they were enslaved in their own minds.

Ahsoka wouldn’t be selfish, she could cope with the loss of her family, her friends, her home and way of life. It wasn’t really hers anymore anyway, not since she left, or at least that’s what she tried to convince herself. But the point was she could manage, she had to for Rex. The loss of the 332nd, the chips, the crash and the suddenly all-encompassing enslavement of his brothers; that had to be worse than her family joining the force despite the broiling darkness it had caused.

Ahsoka tapped Rex on the shoulder and told him to get some rest, it took very little persuasion. That was just a mark of how exhausted they both were, all this trekking between towns and if she was honest running from their emotions. Ahsoka knew her emotions were bottled up tight, and really, she needed to release them into the force before she made a mistake which could cost both of them their lives.

Maybe she should meditate, she should get used to the undulating desolate currents of the force. She had also gained an appreciation for mediation since leaving the temple, although not as much as Master Obi-wan he meditated a ridiculous amount if he had the chance. But she had come to appreciate how it allowed her to keep balanced and process her feelings. She hadn’t meditated much before she left because Anakin hadn’t. Now with Mauls words in the back of her mind she wondered how many of her other views on Jedi practices had been influenced or even changed by her unconventional master.

She pushed that thought away and after steeling herself plunged into the swirling currents of loss and dark despair which was the force.

#CW#

It had been two days and Rex was starting to worry about Ahsoka. She had been quiet and reserved which wasn’t normal for her. Though if he was honest, he wasn’t sure what was normal for her these days. He had missed her when she left the order, it had been a long time or seemed so to him. Anakin hadn’t coped well, neither had General Kenobi and if Rex was honest the men hadn’t either.

He had been so glad to hear she was coming back, but it wasn’t the same. Her interactions with Anakin were tense and when she spoke to General Kenobi it was almost hostile. But soon they were off and he had been promoted. He didn’t even have time to speak to Cody before they were racing in different directions. He had received a text message from his ori’vod congratulating him though, and that had to suffice. Then it was a whirl wind of action, fighting and non-stop motion, or so it had seemed.

All the wondering around this planet, he didn’t even know the name of, had allowed him to think and that was the last think he needed. He was distracted for a moment as Ahsoka changed position behind him.   
Well his first, and only, mission as a commander was a success, they captured Maul. He had sent a quick com message to Cody then tried to help Jesse.

The night was too quiet, he could hear every huff and grunt as Ahsoka tried to get comfortable. Though her breathing had settled down now, meaning she was probably sleeping. He was glad she hadn’t really slept in the last two days; he was getting concerned. But he hadn’t exactly been sleeping well either, their whole universe had been flipped on its head.

He could remember and was sure he would remember it for the rest of his life.   
As he walked to receive the update, he had the last message he would probably ever get from Cody. It was a voice message, there was blaster fire in the background, his ori’vod sounded a strange combination of happy, proud and smug as he said;   
_‘Grevious is dead! Kenobi **shot** him! We have won the war! see you after we have cleaned up Rex’ika’  
_Then almost instantly after the galaxy went to kark.

He was disturbed from his brooding by a hand on his shoulder, Ahsoka was awake. It was too dark to really tell but he was almost certain she had been crying. He gave in when she said she would take over the watch, but he had no intention of sleeping. He had been thinking too hard and it only got worse as he lay down and stared at the stars.

He remembered something happening, as if he was being pushed out of his head. He could see but _he_ wasn’t in control, suddenly he knew what it was and tried to warn … his best friend … his commander … the traitor. CT-7567 shot at Ahsoka and all Rex could do was scream inside his head. CT-7567 been angry and had stalked the halls looking for his prey, things hadn’t gone his way, Rex cheered as Ahsoka worked out what was happening.

Rex wasn’t cheering when he woke up, he was just trying to comprehend the enormity of it. Then they were fighting for their lives! Rex couldn’t be angry at her not really but he wasn’t sure how he felt about her letting Maul out. It had caused the deaths of all his brothers but in a way, it might have been a blessing. Rex had and always would accept the demotion he had been given by the thing that wore Jesse’s face, it was what Rex considered the last act of his loyal Lieutenant.

His brothers in the 332nd were free now, marching far away or with the force, or what ever you wanted to call it. That had to be better off than the rest of them, who are still trapped inside their heads watching their bodies commit atrocities. He briefly thought of Cody, Wolffe and Bly all of whom will be screaming inside their minds. He felt a tear of his own roll down his cheek.

Why had he been freed when all his brothers were not, didn’t at least those he considered his batch mates deserve better. It was like Cody had said, sometimes its difficult to be the one that survives. Maybe it would be easier to just pretend they had all died. Or, maybe once he and Ahsoka had got off this planet, caught up with the news and the initial upheaval had died down they could rescue his brothers.

He felt a new purpose fill him, but then shuddered. He had a chance to rescue his family no matter how remote. Ahsoka would never have that, her people her family was gone and never coming back. He knew whatever she said, however she acted she was and always would be a Jedi. She had even implied she wanted to go back, and now she never could.   
He had heard General Kenobi lecturing Anakin enough times about lightsabres to recognise the sacrifice she had made to leave her’s behind on that dreadful moon.

His memories had brought him up to this moment, stuck so far on this out of the way planet in the middle of a grassy plain between two towns. He glanced over at Ahsoka who seemed to be sitting in a position he was reliably informed by Cody meant a Jedi was meditating. Rex kept his silence, he didn’t think Ahsoka had used the force since their escape. He was no expert but he could see the tension building in her as they wondered this planet, he hoped this would help her.

He could cope with his loss; he had some hope after all. Ahsoka however had been acting like nothing had changed, or had been trying too. He glanced over again and then stared, she was trembling.

#CW#

At first, he thought he was imagining it, with the dark and the distance. But as he watched the tremors got worse, she was physically shaking now. Her breathing was ragged and sounded nothing like what he assumed it should during meditation. It was when her limbs started to twitch that he got up and approached her. He carried his bucket under his arm with the external light on but made sure to angle it away from her. Ahsoka’s face was screwed up in pain, and she had tears streaming down her face.

He wasn’t sure how to bring a Jedi out of meditation, was it the same as nightmares best to try and do it slowly? He had no idea, neither of his Jedi meditated much. He wished Cody was here, he would know what to do. He tried calling her name gently, and that’s when it started.

At first it was just a sort of keening mewling sound, but it grew into pained moans and cries. Rex stared at Ahsoka horrified, she was in pain he reacted by shouting her name. He then laid a hand on her shoulder, that might have been a mistake as that was when Ahsoka started screaming.

He stared at her aghast, but she showed no sign of stopping or waking no matter how hard he shook her. He was pancaking now! Then like when some brothers were so stuck in nightmares to wake themselves, he threw caution to the wind and slapped her hard on the cheek. It seemed to work she opened her eyes and tumbled to the ground. It also seemed to backfire as when their eyes met, she looked terrified of him and pushed backwards away from him.

He held his breath but didn’t approach or move at all. He just waited trying to calm his wild emotions until recognition returned to her eyes. Ahsoka then rushed forward and hugged him tight.

‘There all gone Rex’ she whispered through the tears _  
  
_

#CW#

Ahsoka could feel the darkness in the force, it was almost a void. There was almost none of the comforting light which had been present just two days ago. Despite the turbulence of the wars there had been 1000’s of small suns which represented each Jedi and millions of planets representing the troopers. Now there was just darkness and the dim light which represented the general population of the galaxy, but it seemed even that was fading.

Despite the homecoming of the Jedi into the force the currents where like trying to navigate a firestorm in a desert. It seems the force was about as happy with the current turn of events as Ahsoka herself.

She could feel strong emotions; fear, betrayal, terror, sadness, grief, shock and pain. The force writhed with them, it took her a moment to work out that this was in effect the after image of the Jedi, they hadn’t known what was happening to them. There was also a slight feeling of vindication as those Jedi who insisted The Order should be weary of the clones were proved right.

Ahsoka was bombarded with image after image of Jedi falling, it was so fast she didn’t know who they were. She could tell they were all ages, all places and all skill levels. For most it was too quick for them to do anything but fall, and those that did have time had to choose whether to try and talk the troops down or fight. That second to decide was often too long and they had the chance to do neither.

She tried to release her emotions into the mess, but it almost seemed like the force was saturated and couldn’t take anymore.

Suddenly she was bombarded with more emotions; horror, disgust, devastation, anger, frustration. These emotions felt like they were coming from far away, as though their owners hadn’t yet entered the force. Intrigued in spite of herself Ahsoka fell deeper in to the rushing heaving currents in the force. She encountered emptiness, in the shape of humanoids but the emotions she could feel this deep in the force were still there just muted. She realised with growing horror that this is what it felt like to be a clone since the chip activated. Rex had said they were trapped in their own minds but the confirmation made her want to be sick.

If anything, it felt like the force was becoming more turbulent frothing and rolling like a heaving sea. It was nothing like the tranquil, calm river she felt in the room of a thousand fountains growing up or the swiftly flowing powerful stream she often felt during the war.

All the emotions were coming at her now from the clones and the Jedi, it was overwhelming. She needed to surface but she didn’t have any control, the force seemed like a stone dragging her down into its dark cold depths. She was almost certain she had heard Rex but soon after the images of the Jedi started to slow and become clearer. These were Jedi she knew.

She winced as members of the 501st marched on the temple, and as members of the council fell all over the galaxy.   
She cried out in shock as Commander Bly shot Alya in the back and didn’t stop shooting till moments after her death. Bly had been screaming and cursing powerless to stop what was happening and Alya’s last thoughts had been worry and shock.   
She started screaming out when she saw Master Plo shot out of the sky, he had always loved flying he had been almost at peace leading his men. It hadn’t been Wolffe but a pilot called Jag who killed him. Plo’s last thoughts had been sorrow of the both the men and the dying Jedi.   
All she saw of Master Yoda was his gimmer stick fall to the ground.   
She saw Master Obi-wan falling, it almost seemed endless.  
She saw Anakin falling to his knees with a shocked pained expression on his face

Then the force heaved, she had a different impression altogether. It almost seemed like the force itself was holding its breath. She seemed to be in so deep that what was happening was almost beyond her comprehension. It seemed to her as if some final battle between the waning light and growing dark was happening.

From her point of view, it looked like two candles flickering in a windy dark room. Then all of a sudden one of the candles blew out and the darkness surged. But the other candle was making a valiant effort to remain burning. In the end though that candle too seemed to gutter out, though the wick remained smouldering and the darkness recoiled just slightly which confused Ashoka.

Then her face was blooming with pain and she fell to side with the strength of the assault. She locked eyes with her attacker and backed away as fast as she could. It was a clone! She was lucky the clone made no effort to advance, so while not taking her eyes off him she took stock.

Something monumental had just happened, it had been building for the last two days and she knew it had come to the crescendo just now. She could already feel the force settling into a deep dark violent river, with hidden currents and dangerous eddies. It was just something she would have to learn to deal with in time, but she was no longer trapped under the surface.

As she came back to herself fully; she felt cheek stinging, her face was wet with tears and Rex was standing a little way away from her looking apprehensive. She was then hit with what she had learnt, she could no longer hide from this knowledge. She pushed herself up and rushed to her friend. Rex was probably her only friend in the galaxy at that moment. She didn’t care if she was crying or if it was unjedi-like she held onto him as if he might disappear if she let go

‘There all gone Rex’ She whispered  
‘I am sorry Kid’ he replied hoarsely  
‘They are with the force and the force is mourning’ she said, and she could feel the sorrow coming off him in waves  
‘I could have done more’ Rex grit out  
‘I saw your brothers too, they are so scared and angry. They don’t want to do this’ She almost whimpered then after a long moment she added ‘I think I am the last one’  
It seemed Rex picked up on the implication of what she had seen along side his brothers  
‘You may be the last Jedi, but your not alone kid’ Rex whispered sincerely

She noticed that Rex had silent tears running down his face, what a pair they were both mourning their loss in the dark of some planet neither knew the name of. But she also knew that words couldn’t describe what had happened, and this silent support was what they both needed.

By the time the sun rose both had finished their silent tears. At some point they had sat down and watched the sunrise leaning into each other for support. Ahsoka could feel that some of the tension had left both of them. There was a new determination in Rex in the light of a new day. She had also gained more resilience she could no longer be scared of the dark, she would learn to adapt and survive in this new galaxy.

She slipped easily into the force, it didn’t grab at her or pull her down this time. It was still that morning like a void, she would get used to its new dark currents she promised herself. Through the force she could see that eventually Rex would have to walk his own path but until then they could heal together.

#CW#

In the force there was at least one small sun with a lone but close brightly reflecting planet.

They would survive and fight until more stars could burst forward from that smoky nebular left by that last smouldering candle.

**Author's Note:**

> With the force stuff I was trying to convey the many horrible things which happened all at once, its insane millions of sentient beings lose their identity and individuality and 1000's of Jedi die pretty much at the same time.  
> The end of the force bit Ahsoka is very deep in the force and I imagine its more the daughters essence in her that's connecting which is why its almost incomprehensible to her (its supposed to show critically the end of ROTS)   
> Feels wrong to explain what I mean, its makes me feel that I have failed to get it across in the story
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
